9) Ruminate with pals on how much funnier the Marx Brothers could have been under the direction of Leni Riefenstahl.
6) Double check the trip wire on the improvised explosive device connected to the outhouse door.
5) Take pictures of yourself checking into a cheap motel in a chicken costume. Photoshop Obama’s head onto the pic and forward to your favorite websites.
4) Get into a vehement debate on the true meaning of patriotism with a Ronald McDonald statue. Hit it with a baseball bat when it won’t stop smiling.
3) Turn on Rush’s radio show and get really bummed out when you realize that he is a lard-ass commie.
2) Check all of the guns to make sure they are loaded, safety-off, and easily accessible to any three-year-old.
1) Break out in paroxysms of hysterical laughter after blowing off both thumbs while constructing a pipe bomb.