8:16…As Tea Party Jesus did enter the square he came upon a mottled, ragged figure lying recumbent in sleep with critters all about. TP Jesus commanded his followers to maintain their silence as he crept up to the man and produced a cracker of fire which he did light with his cigarette and toss. It did explode with a loud bang but, alas, the man did not flinch.
8:17…TP Jesus stood over the motionless figure and kicked him lightly in the rib cage. And still, the man did not move. TP Jesus did place a sterile glove upon his own hand and checked for a pulse. “It would appear that he froze to death in his slumber a fortnight ago,” he said, adding “It matters not…for he was unworthy of my presence. Wow! What a stinker! Good thing I didn’t poke him with a stick. Somebody call the meat wagon. ”
8:18…“But look at how the unclean critters flee in terror from the holiness of my deed!” At this, the gathering crowd did clap in jubilation and marvel at the lessons learned from the parable of the dead bum, the stray cats, and the cracker of fire.