Glenn McConnell Unveils New Confederate Memorial In Columbia

Lt. Gov. Glenn McConnell presided at the dedication of a new memorial on the grounds of the South Carolina State Capitol today. Despite strident opposition from the African-American community, a few liberal pansies, and some lowdown bleeding-heart carpetbaggers, construction of the monument was approved by both the Senate and the House only after Mr. McConnell was able to get a commitment for private funding from the Koch Brothers.

Gov. Nikki Haley expressed approval for the project but was unable to attend the unveiling ceremony because she was trekking through Eastern Europe with a delegation of her leading advisers in an attempt to salvage some small semblance of credibility following the hacking scandal which exposed millions of state residents to possible identity theft and fraud. Gov. Haley’s group opted not to use the state jet for this junket, choosing to fly commercial instead. In a poll conducted by The State Newspaper, 76% of respondents expressed the hope that the entourage purchased one-way tickets.

A small but enthusiastic crowd attended the event. A solitary bugler stood at the top of the Capitol steps and tooted Taps. He sustained a serious injury when some pranksters tied his shoe laces together and he stumbled down the steps, jamming the bugle mouthpiece deep into in his right eye socket. Anyone wishing to contribute to a medical fund set up for this gentleman should contact Lt. Gov. McConnell’s office.

Private security kept protesters under control


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