Donald Trump appeared at an Iowa political rally today and, with his usual flair, he veered from the script and opted, instead, to take the opportunity to prove that he could do any damned thing he wanted without affecting his ratings. He stopped in the middle of a diatribe about politics, the economy, “fuckin’ Mexicans”, and “simple-minded, blood gushing twats like what’s her name.”
The Donald just stood there speechless for at least ten seconds with a pained expression on his face!
He raised his finger and hollered to the hushed, expectant crowd…
“Pull My Finger! Won’t Somebody Pull My Finger!”
“HA, HA! Too Late”, he said as the gas gooshed up from his shirt collar. Fans were seen to rush the stage so that, one day, they could brag to their grand kids: “I was one of the lucky ones! I got a whiff of The Donald’s Shit Gas!”
Minutes later he left the stage as his legions of corn-pone fans locked arms and screamed his name in an ominous five-minute long chant. Before stepping onto his helicopter the Donald was seen making a call on what he thought was his cell phone.
He defended his actions by citing Howard Hughes, another bat-shit crazy billionaire who, in his last years, saved all of his excrement and urine in mason jars with time/date information labels.
Here are but a few of the other weird things Howard Hughes did…
1) Asking the staff of the Beverly Hills Hotel to hide roast beef sandwiches in trees so he could collect them in the middle of the night.
2) Punching Ava Gardner in the face.
3) Wearing shoes that reeked so heavily that when he tried to sneak into the Hughes Aircraft building to observe his employees secretly, the engineers could immediately smell him.
4) Employing someone whose sole job description was to catch flies.
Afterword: Howard Hughes was a brilliant man and a real asset to humanity in his pursuit of Aviation advancement. I do not mean to disparage him by comparing him to Donald Trump who has done little for humanity except build hotels and golf courses for the rich and privileged. Mr. Hughes was a tragic figure and a genius of the highest order.