Bullshit Factory

WCBD TV-2 Reporter Brad Franko Goes Undercover in Droopy Drawer Sting

 

we-want-braaaaa-d1Preface: I recently viewed the WCBD-TV-2 promo for Brad Franko’s new segment, “Reality Check.” Along with the dark music and the Mickey Spillane hard-nosed detective persona, is Brad’s promise that NOBODY is immune from his ace reporting.

Brad should have added a caveat excluding the powerful and influential. WCBD caved in like a boil in a bench vice when supporters of Tea Party Wunderkind, Senator Jim DeMint, waved their angry peckers…demanding that WCBD remove ads by gay rights organization, Alliance for Acceptance. So much for Tea Party reverence for all things constitutional. YOU-MUST-OBEY

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Inside sources tell me that WCBD-TV-2 reporter Brad Franko recently completed an in-depth, yet to be aired, undercover investigation into the gang fad known as “droopy drawer syndrome.” Despite the obvious danger involved in this undertaking, Brad was able to infiltrate a local gang to get a first hand look at these malcontents in baggie pants.Franko-baggies

 

I contacted Brad and was granted a brief phone interview. When asked why he decided to undertake this assignment he stated, “It was an easy decision to go after this group of thugs, known as the Guz Crik Boyz. What are they going to do about it? Hire an attorney and sue the station? These dopes are lucky if they can scrape two nickels together to make a dime. It was a win-win situation for us. I mean, what the heck, who do you think we are going to go after? A crooked new car dealership? Some insurance giant that screws a pathetic old lady when her trailer burns to the ground? No way! Those guys have huge advertising budgets and I have bills to pay!”

Brad continued, “Originally, we approached this as part of a comprehensive investigation into downtown bicycle thefts. I have to admit, however, that we were pursuing a false lead and WCBD management encouraged us to go with the baggy pants angle. I drove the Boyz to the College of Charleston and, even though I pointed out several expensive bikes with flimsy locks, the guys refused to mess with them…hard to steal a bike when your pants get hung up on the chain.”

“Unfortunately,” Brad interjected, “we had to abort the investigation when I realized that my assistant had packed the wrong disguise and the Boyz became suspicious. I was tired and confused due to my heavy workload.”baggy-brad-blows-cover

I asked Brad what was the most difficult part of this assignment: “Walking was a bitch. It took me a while to get the hang of it, especially with my shoe laces untied. On the positive side, however, when you’re bangin’ around the hood with your bros and you gotta run down the alley to pinch off a loaf, you’re halfway there when your draws are dragging. They also come in handy when you need to shoplift a five-pound bag of potatoes.”

Don’t forget to check out upcoming articles featuring intrepid, fearless reporter Brad Franko who is, in my humble opinion, the 21 Century’s answer to H.L. Mencken. First, I will be examining Brad’s hard-hitting video segment on cow-milking.

Click to Enlarge!

Brad Franko milks cow

Next, I hope to get the inside scoop on the alleged altercation that Brad got into off set with Charlie, the Charleston Riverdogs mascot, after the dude in the giant dog suit dumped a load of garbage over Brad’s head during a live news report. The incident was staged but Brad lost his temper when it turned out that Charlie had thrown a banana peel and a used condom into the supposedly clean trash canBrad-gets-trashed-final

Brad Shower hatRumor has it that, during the commercial break, Brad chased Charlie around the studio wildly swinging a Louisville Slugger at the hapless mascot. I am also investigating the charge that Sheriff Al Cannon, who was at the station for a taped interview, joined in the fracas by running around slapping the crap out of anyone who was handy.

It is my understanding that Brad is in the process of conducting an investigation into the hidden dangers of umbrella hats. We should all salute WCBD for its deep concern for the welfare and safety of the consuming public. These folks deserve high praise for their efforts to keep Lowcountry citizens informed on vital issues.

There is cause for concern, however, about persistent rumors which have surfaced about Brad’s early television career in Cleveland where he allegedly hosted a public access show called “Ask Rita the Butt Puppet”. I recently received a grainy, blurred video from an anonymous source who stated that this short lived call-in show was an Ann Landers type of program where listeners were invited to spill the sordid details of their personal life to an obnoxious and abusive butt-puppet.

Supposedly this was Brad’s first attempt as a ventriloquist. Having viewed the video several times, it would appear that (although the host does resemble Brad) there are serious doubts surrounding the actual identity of this person. The individual in question has a rather high-pitched, and quite effeminate lisp that does not appear to be fake. Brad neither squeaks nor lisps. I refuse to take part in disseminating these scurrilous and unfair accusations to a gullible public.


Postscript: Kudos to Brad for his recent report about East Side kids defacing the sidewalks with their hop-scotch doodles! My daughter’s cat, Bella, loved that expose!brad-and-bella
Brad Franko TV-2 ace reporter

Alternate-Reality-Check-titling

Fuzzy-SmudgePostscript: Shortly after I published this piece I got an angry email from WCBD editor Bert (Fuzzy) Smudge. He defended his ace reporter as: “a fine example of a slick, good-looking TV personality. Brad is a real asset to the station and we are proud of his deep-cover operations. He has won the SC TV Journalism Golden Kneepads Award on three occasions in the past eleven years so you can screw yourself you mumbling fudge wit!”

 

An irate Fuzzy Smudge defends ace reporter Brad Franko

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Frozen Turkey Bowling with Dean Stephens

Episode 301 - Turkey Bowling

On the day before Thanksgiving after partaking of the best ham I have ever consumed, along with some really great mashed sweet potatoes, corn, and beans, I found myself flopping on the couch and flipping through the channels on my TV. Flopping and flipping. I like the sound of that, especially on a full stomach.

It was early evening so I figured I would tune into the local news. I punched 4 on the remote to view WCIV-TV. That’s the ABC affiliate station right here in my hometown of Charleston, South Carolina. The show was about halfway over and they were broadcasting a piece featuring award-winning reporter Dean Stephens. The segment wasn’t live. It was filmed in a local grocery store and taken back to the station for editing. In the segment, Mr. Stephens was making pals with the customers in the grocery store and trying to get them to join him in a friendly game of Frozen Turkey Bowling. Dean was shown grabbing some makeshift bowling pins (in the form of Pringles Potato Chip cans) and setting them up in the aisle, then having the participating customers see how many they could knock down.

run-spicy-guacamoleThe editing on the piece also required a close-up shot of Dean in front of the Pringles display announcing that there were several different flavors available and that he was going to use a representative sample of each variety as targets for the frozen turkey. Old Dean killed two birds with one stone. He managed not only to entertain this consumer but to educate me as well. Kudos!

“Must Buy Pringles,” I muttered to myself as I burped, drank some sweet tea, and just lay there… transfixed by the masterpiece of performance and editing that was unfolding before my grateful eyes.

The piece continued with footage of giggling, hooting customers sliding the frozen bird across the floor towards the doomed Pringles Cans. Dean chimes in: “Hey, A Strike!” and “Oops, You Left the Ten Pin!” One participant utters a frustrated “Dang! Great interaction with customers. Precision editing. Provocative imagery. This Turkey Bowling Segment has it all!

Enthralled by this awesome presentation, I turned off the TV and rushed to my computer. Slow startup…Hurry! Hurry!… I need to know! “Damn Google,” I sputtered angrily! I was really anxious to get the lowdown surrounding my new media hero, Dean Stephens. I gleaned the following biographical notes from WCIV’s website: “Over the years, Dean has demonstrated strong leadership and dedication to the television station and the community. In our pursuit of greater commitments to the Charleston community, Dean Stephens’ devotion rises to the top. He sets an example that everyone will follow. Dean has earned over 20 industry awards: including Best Sportscaster and Best Reporter in the State of South Carolina as well as in the Southeast.”

Wow! That is some resume! I can only speculate that, if Mr. Stephens focuses his career more on frozen turkey pranks and less on investigative reporting, he will soon be propelled into the national spotlight. Indeed, Dean is “an example that everyone will follow.” Who knows what heights he could achieve? Maybe Dancing with the Stars could do a spinoff called Dancing with the Media Stars and invite Dean to do the Cha-Cha, a Mambo, or a Waltz in front of a national audience.

Too bad this kind of television reporting wasn’t around when Edward R. Murrow and Walter Cronkite were at their peak. Who knows what alternate turns history may have taken? Could Sen. Joseph McCarthy have been elected president if Mr. Murrow had been reveling in the limelight, stepping on Hollywood Bimbo toes and way too distracted to worry about whether a bunch of silly Commies had infiltrated not just our government, but Hollywood and the American literary establishment as well?

How would the Cuban Missile Crisis have played out if Kennedy and Khrushchev had been challenged by an eminent reporter to dance cheek-to-cheek instead of rattling the sabers of nuclear destruction? And, if Walter Cronkite had been Tiptoeing Thru the Tulips with Tiny Tim instead of verbally pummeling President Nixon, would the Vietnam War be entering its fiftieth year? Inquiring turkeys…oops, I mean minds, want to know!

Heigh-Ho! Heigh-Ho!

I don’t know about you but if I saw some guys with microphones and cameras wandering around my favorite grocery store and one of them asked me if I wanted to hurl a frozen, plastic-wrapped 13-pound bird down the aisle at a bunch of potato chip cans, I would delightfully agree to do so but would promptly toss the turkey at a nearby wine display or knock down as many glass pickle jars as I could, then state that I was legally blind and clearly not responsible, leaving them shaking their heads and wondering if their budget would allow for the damage. Clean up on aisle two,” hollers the manager through the store PA system then adds, “Bring two buckets.” Either that or I would hurl the wayward turkey two aisles over and hope that it wouldn’t land in the cart of some old guy with an oxygen cylinder who was pushing a cart full of Depends and Metamucil.

I would love to see the out-takes of this segment. I wonder how long the crack news crew from WCIV stayed in the grocery store and if, towards the end of the experience, the turkey might have gotten a bit soft and soggy and, instead of sliding and rolling easily, would land with a sickening plop a few feet short of the hapless Pringle cans, squirting out a barrage of liver, gizzard, and neck-bone onto an unsuspecting reporter. That would get a lot more hits on YouTube than the common Frozen Turkey Bowling bit.

Mr. Stephens deserves high praise in that his pants zipper was not down, his shoes were on the correct feet, and there were no tell-tale gooey objects on the tip of his nose. Add that to the gizzard/liver/neck-bone scenario and you would get some serious hits on YouTube.  Not as many hits as the popular Watch Me Squeeze the Giant Boil On My Neck video, but a respectable view count nonetheless.huge-neck-pimple

I am sure that turkey bowling would get a lot more hits than the infamous Meth-Head Clown Hitchhiker with Axe video. That film is more creepy than funny.

See the Puppies

Truthfully, grocery stores can be pretty weird places at times and you could be taking fate into your hands when you tell some stranger that it’s okay to chuck a frozen turkey. You just never know who you are talking to and what their reaction may be. What if it is some wino who has a T-Bone steak and a bottle of Mogen David wine shoved down his pants? I guess if I was in his position I would go ahead and bowl the turkey so as not to arouse suspicion…and hope that the wine did not loosen its precarious perch next to my crotch and slide down my pants onto the floor. If I were to shoplift a bottle of cheap wine and a steak, I would probably shove the wine down the front of my pants and squeeze the steak down my backside. That’s just me, however, and your own shoplifting techniques may vary.

Totally unrelated Photoshop from another Dean Stephens post on this blog.

Anyway, the point of this whole exercise is not to criticize Dean Stephens or Channel Four. They were just providing a little fluff to a fluff-hungry public and what could be wrong with that? I must point out, however, that the concept of the piece was hardly original and that it had an air of quiet desperation about it. I mean, Mr. Stephens must have felt pretty dumb for at least a moment in the process leading from concept to broadcast. He looked to be a bit on the resigned side and appeared to be perspiring. Flop sweat, perhaps?

I wonder how this process works. I mean, was there a staff meeting where Mr. Stephens boldly presented this idea or was it conceived by another employee?  I can see it now: “Hey, the economy is tanking, the country is mired in unemployment, foreclosures, homelessness, war in Iraq and Afghanistan, revolution in the Middle East, and the potential for a huge conflict in Korea so what are we going to do about it as responsible members of the media?” Silence… then somebody blurts out: “Frozen Turkey Bowling!” and the room erupts in spontaneous cheers, back-pats, thumbs-up, and friendly noogies.

Problem solved. “Let’s roll with the Turkey!” says someone in authority and, like the Keystone Cops, the staff runs about willy-nilly and hither-dither, bumping into walls and doors in a rush to make arrangements to get to the grocery store with a camera, crew, and star.  Good thing there wasn’t a rake on the floor. “Times a’ wastin’!” shouts the station manager, “There are Turkeys to be bowled!” Do news vehicles have emergency lights and sirens? I certainly hope so.WCIV-CLOWN-CAR

I watched an interesting science TV show some months back. I can’t remember for sure which network it was on but the subject matter was parallel dimensions. There was a bevy of eminent physicists and scientists explaining the mathematical concept of multiple  (if not unlimited) worlds existing alongside our own. Each of us may have a twin in countless other universes.

They also discussed the probability that these worlds would be an approximation of our own, not an exact copy. Alike, yet different. An interesting theory.

I wonder if there is a parallel universe with another  WCIV staff and another Dean Stephens sitting in a conference room planning a quirky Christmas segment? Someone suggests that Dean stand on the side of the road and encourage passersby to hurl a ceramic Santa Claus head at a blow-up Nativity Scene. Time to fire up the clown car…

 

“They haunt me in my dreams.” -Dean Stephens

                           

AARP’s Scandalous Association with the Hartford Insurance Company

 

Here we go again. In an article published on this site this past July, I predicted that the greedy creeps from the Hartford would come after me. The title of that article is “AARP’s Consumer Cellular Scams Seniors.” I went for over a month without a working phone because of the total incompetence of CC’s support staff. I won’t go into the details of that sad episode. It is there for you to read.

These two corporations are similar in their modus operandi regarding their internet presence. Both are promoted by AARP and both maintain elaborate websites where they claim near perfect consumer ratings. If one wanders over to independent rating sites, however, they barely squeak by with one or two stars. There is a veritable mountain of complaints regarding incompetence, neglect, and outright dishonesty. Click on this underlined area to go to see non-censored reviews of the Hartford.

Here is a screenshot of Hartford’s own website telling us what a really fantastic company they are. One is left to wonder if they are actively censoring bad reviews in order to scrape the crap off their otherwise tarnished online reputation? You will need to click on the image to enlarge it so that the statistics are readable.

Why does AARP associate itself with demonstrably inefficient and outright dishonest companies such as Consumer Cellular and The Hartford? My guess is the old adage: Follow the Money.

Here is one of the many egregious complaints I found (on the consumeraffairs.com website). Although the complaint is not related to auto insurance, it shows the Hartford for what it is: A cheap scam.

Why does AARP associate itself with demonstrably inefficient and outright dishonest companies such as Consumer Cellular and The Hartford? My guess is the old adage: Follow the Money.

I fended off Consumer Cellular’s degenerate attempts to collect money I most certainly did not owe. I responded to their collection efforts with simple a simple legal maneuver I gleaned from the web.  That, in addition to the article I published on this site and uploaded to YELP, may have played a part in their decision to scurry off in search of less aggressive prey.  Maybe they didn’t like the photoshops I included in my expose. If you google “John Marick Consumer Cellular CEO” then click on images you will see every image I created in his honor at or near the top of the page. Here are two of those images:

I am certain that Consumer Cellular’s CEO hit the ceiling when he saw my photoshops. It’s not like they weren’t warned. Early in the process, I told them exactly what I was going to do if they continued to harass me over a bogus debt. I provided an advance preview of a couple of unpublished photoshops I had put together and offered them the opportunity to avoid that embarrassment. All they had to do was to leave me alone.

After my experience with Consumer Cellular, I decided to sever all ties to AARP, especially after I contacted them to register a complaint against CC and they offered no assistance. Next step was to search for another auto insurance policy. My daughter suggested I contact GEICO. I did so and discovered that I would not only save $200 per year on full coverage but I would get free roadside emergency assistance with the package. The Hartford wanted an extra $50 per year for that service. Total savings=$250 per year.

I signed up with GEICO and immediately contacted the Hartford via certified email requesting that they cancel my policy. Somehow, they did not seem to get the message because the bills kept coming. I sent yet another certified letter which seemed to have no effect as they sent another bill demanding payment. I dropped the policy in July and I am still getting bills from them in November.

What is wrong with these people? Are they stupid…dishonest…incompetent…?

So, I sent the Hartford a third certified letter. CANCEL THE POLICY! 

In this letter, I included details of my conflict with Consumer Cellular. I told them that if they googled “John Marick Consumer Cellular CEO” and clicked on images they would see that all my photoshops are at the top of the page. I told them that I would write a similar article about the Hartford. I provided them an advance copy of one of the photoshops I was going to use. I also told them that they should update their resumes if my photoshops wound up at the top of  the google images page under the search terms “Christoper Swift CEO the Hartford.”

So, Mr. Swift…you cannot say you were not warned. Some incompetent boob decided to go ahead and harass me even after he/she read my last certified letter. Who knows? Maybe this idiot wanted to be fired so he/she would be eligible to collect unemployment. After reading all of the consumer complaints about your sad sack company, I would want to be fired as well. That’s what happens when you are born with a conscience.

If you want to carry this collection BS to the end go ahead.  That’s fine with me. Let’s do this. If I have to go into a courtroom Pro Se, so be it. I am certain that I can provide enough evidence to any reasonable jury about the egregious, dishonest, and deceitful conduct of The Hartford.

One last note: Unlike the Consumer Cellular article, I haven’t uploaded this Hartford article to Yelp or any other online consumer rating service. If you leave me alone and send a notice that any and all collection efforts will be dropped (as Consumer Cellular did a bit too late) I will not upload this article anywhere else. 

PS>You really need to go find someone a whole lot dumber than me if you want to pull this sort of B.S.

x

          “My name is Chris Swift and I will be your guide!”

 

 

 

Trump: “The Opioid Crisis Is Very Personal…So Sad.”

“This not just about saving money,” insisted a very enthusiastic President Trump. “This is my personal contribution to the war on Opioids! From now on we will require pee tests for the ball chasers who get hit too frequently. If they test positive for these substances they will get the boot!”

One young female reporter asked the president if this wasn’t a “chicken/egg argument” and asked him if the affected employees will have to take prescribed opioids after too many head hits with golf balls or if they are too slow to avoid the balls due to non-prescribed opioid usage. “What the hell do chickens have to do with this?” screamed an irate Trump. “Eggs…schmegs…Who does your Hair? You Sure are Fat…Ugly Too!

Everybody Loves Me!”

xRegarding the photoshop below: This sort of thing is the direct result of obsessive childhood/teenage behavior. I am speaking, of course, of the destructive effect of Mad Magazine. It was my humor bible for a solid decade of my formative years.xxxxxx

A Call To Investigate & Prosecute Criminal Activity at Berkeley County Library

Fourth Article in a series about theft, corruption, incompetence, and collustion by leaders at Berkeley County Library.

In my previous article, I recounted my encounter with Gene Brunson, Sharon Fashion, and Sue Kelley. I agreed to this meeting. I had previously suggested to Mr. Brunson that he, myself, and an attorney for Berkeley County meet. Evidently, Mr. Brunson did not like this idea and I now believe that I understand his reluctance to agree to such a meeting.

If an attorney was involved and, during the course of the meeting, it was revealed that there had been serious criminal activity within the Library he would, as an officer of the court, be required to report such information to the proper authorities. If an investigation took place it would also look into the ensuing cover up by the three individuals mentioned above. The last thing these clowns want to do is to give sworn depositions as to their knowledge and/or involvement in this episode. My guess is that they would be pointing nervous fingers in every direction and would start squawking like wounded buzzards…blaming anybody but themselves for this pitiful example of bureaucratic ineptitude. 

At no point during my August 30 meeting did anyone ever categorically deny that a rip-off took place. In fact, by their own admissions, they confirmed to me forcefully that, YES,  the Library was victimized by bookconsignmentsllc…but…but that was water over the dam…time to move on…ancient history. They are essentially asking the citizens of Berkeley County to suck it up and forget about this massive theft of taxpayer’s money. I am not talking about chump change here. We are talking about a figure in the range from thirty-five to fifty thousand dollars. Those figures are very conservative minimums…the final amount could have been substantially higher.

Forgeddaboutit…

Let me clarify this as simply as possible: There was a massive theft from the Berkeley County Library System. There was a slew of incompetent and shifty folks who were responsible for this debacle.

Note, however, that responsibility for the CONTINUING COVER UP OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY lies exclusively with Gene Brunson, Sharon Fashion, and Sue Kelley!

Amazingly, the lack of rules and oversight over public donations and withdrawals continues to this day. Nothing has changed. Nothing was learned. Incompetence still rules. The theft continues…with a new set of crooks.

If authorities decided to pursue this matter a complaint would have to be filed. Such an inquiry would not be that difficult. A Forensic Audit of Kevin and Ava Jordan’s financials would provide authorities with most of the proof which would be needed to decide upon a course of action. They promised their clients that they would receive 35% of the gross proceeds of their sales, keeping 65% for themselves to cover their legitimate business expenses. Amazon gets approximately 15% of the gross amount. There are other expenses involved as well such as shipping supplies, office equipment, etc. After all is said and done, bookconsignmentsllc would have received around 40-45% of the gross sales amount.

Note that all transactions are done online. There are no under the table sales in the book business. Every customer purchase is accounted for electronically. Amazon pays its professional sellers every two weeks. This amount appears in one’s electronic bank statement.  Also, note that all payouts to their clients for sold consignment product would be via check or electronic transfer. A forensic audit could compare the difference between deposits and payouts to see how close to the guaranteed 35% payout Kevin and Ava promised their clients. There would have to be an adjustment to the Amazon deposits, however, because that is a NET SALES figure after Amazon takes its cut.

Hopefully, someone at Berkeley County Council will have the gumption to tell Mr. Brunson and Ms. Fashion that it is time to update their resumes. 

In this job market, however, I don’t know how much success they would have. Their level of (in)competence may work well for them in a government job setting but, in the private world, I doubt if they have any skills which would offer even a fraction of the compensation and benefits that they currently enjoy in the safe and secure cocoon of public employment.

Government “service” is one darn big and quite addictive Ninny. Mr. Brunson and Ms. Fashion would have to be forcefully dragged away from that Supple Teat kicking and screaming.

I want to do my part to help them transition to the private sector so I did some scouting around this week. Lo and behold, there are lots of job openings out there which they are eminently qualified to fill. I will be adding to these wonderful opportunities as time progresses. Be sure to check back!

The Chinese Deli on Spruill Avenue is looking to fill TWO part-time positions. One as A Gizzard Chef/Salesperson and another as a Liver Chef/Salesperson. This is an excellent opportunity for growth in the poultry parts industry and a chance to keep the team together! The owner also gives employees a 10% discounts on leftovers. This position may require occasional heavy labor filling potholes in the parking lot with gravel.

The Hotel Yes Please is always hiring! It is located on Rivers near the Cosgrove Ave. Intersection. Very convenient to the Plasma Center! They need dedicated individuals who are handy with tweezers (with good eyesight) to remove bedbugs from mattresses.

(Hint: Don’t ask for Jacky. She is Dead. The Owner, Mr. Hocker P. Tooey, Gets very upset when you ask for Jacky)

Antoine’s 24-hour House of Cabbage in Ladson needs shift workers to wear a promotional hot dog suit. A word of warning! Night shift workers often get pelted with beer bottles and rusty pipe wrenches by passing drunk rednecks in pickup trucks who see the weird outfit and mistake Antoine’s for a gay bar. Antoine admits that this costume is often confused for something other than a hot dog but claims that this is the best he can do ’till business picks up. “The gooey yellowish stuff is supposed to be sour kraut!” says upset owner Tony Pazzulli. “Whadrugonnado?…Bunchajerkoffs!”


As a last resort and, if all else fails, Ms. Fashion could always try to get a job as a greeter at the DMV.

Berkeley County Library Swindle: The Mess Is Slowly Unraveling

 

 

This is the third article regarding theft, cover-up, and incompetence by the leadership at the Berkeley County Library.

Mr, Brunson,

I need to thank you for arranging our “meeting” on August 30th. In retrospect, this was one of the best birthday presents I have ever received. It was a pleasure to finally meet Sharon Fashion, Assistant Library Director, and Sue Kelley, Friends of the Library President. I use the word “meeting” very loosely here because it was obvious from the time I walked into the room that this was more of an Inquisition than an exchange of ideas in search of a solution to the problems facing the Library system as a result of your refusal to connect with reality. In case you have forgotten, sir, here it is:

THE BERKELEY COUNTY LIBRARY WAS RIPPED OFF BY A COUPLE OF LOWLIFE GRIFTERS FOR TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF WITHDRAWN PRODUCT AND PUBLIC DONATIONS. YOU HAVE DELUDED YOURSELF INTO BELIEVING THAT THIS IS WATER OVER THE DAM. DONE. FORGOTTEN. NOBODY NEEDS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THIS GIANT SWINDLE! TIME TO MOVE ON!

WHY ARE YOU AND YOUR COHORTS ALLOWING A SECOND TEAM OF SWINDLERS TO STEAL EVEN MORE DONATED PRODUCT? ARE YOU STUPID? INCOMPETENT? DON’T GIVE A DAMN? or…(worse case scenario):  WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU?

It most certainly is NOT the time to move on. It would be understandable and forgivable if you had no inkling that the first scam was going to happen. Such is not the case, however, as I raised alarm bells long before these con artists implemented their scheme. I published an article on my blog which proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were of low moral character and could not be trusted. Good Lord! They engaged in a verbal assault on an Alzheimer’s victim in a public forum! That was really creepy but not creepy enough to raise any eyebrows among the Berkeley Library’s executive staff.

For several years Library executive staff allowed them to operate unsupervised despite mounting evidence that all was not well in Library Land. Late payments. Rude behavior towards FOL members and library staff. Hello? I would suggest that these legitimate concerns went in one ear and out the other but that is impossible since sound does not travel in a vacuum.

Regarding our recent meeting: I always think of things I should have said after such situations. On this occasion, however, I got flustered by the Stumble-Bum Swat Team that you assembled to verbally assault me while you sat there so quiet and smug…sitting on the sidelines while your cohorts drooled invective in my general direction. You had very little to say and chose instead to spend much of your time wistfully glancing down at your lap….as if you were waiting for your testicles, at long last, to magically descend.

Shortly after our meeting began, it became apparent that the real director of the Goose Creek Library system is not you, Mr. Brunson. It is obvious that you are on a short leash and are very subservient to the shrewish, overbearing Sharon Fashion.

The reason I did not even bother to go into my suggestions to improve the situation at the Goose Creek Library is that it would have required giving the boot to the Less Than Dynamic Duo that has recently infected the Goose Creek Library. You weren’t about to do that. Very suspicious? What possible benefit could you gain from this scabrous association?

You do realize that Ms. Fashion, Library Assistant Director, blabbered on and on about how my ex-supervisor had nothing whatsoever to do with the decision to allow Book Consignments LLC years of unmonitored access to the virtual mountain of donated and withdrawn books. She emphatically stated that it was the executive library staff along with the brilliant FOL leadership which made this decision. You did not weigh in on that damning admission.

YES, IT WAS US! WE DID THIS!

TALK ABOUT A PERRY MASON MOMENT…

I didn’t think about it at the time but I should have asked Ms. Fashion if my supervisor forwarded the quite extensive information package I had assembled surrounding bookconsignmentsllc’s penchant for harassing their dissatisfied customers. I gave my supervisor a printout of this information. Did she forward this package to the powers that be for consideration in their discussions regarding the hiring of the book crooks? Did she even mention that such information existed?

If she did forward the information to Library executives then the decision to hire these creeps was stupid and irresponsible.

If she repressed this information, then she was actively colluding to make sure Kevin and Ava got the contract. This would make her a very active player in the decision to hire these crooks…not, as you claim, a non-participant in the process.

Sounds like a conundrum to me. Liars have a way of tripping over their own words.

At the very least, should this issue go into a courtroom, I have given you enough time to construct an equally invalid scenario that can be torn to shreds.

Ms. Fashion went ballistic when I said the word “DAMN”, stating that this sort of language will not be tolerated in her presence! Good thing I didn’t use the F word or, God forbid, the SOB words. Her tiny brain would probably have exploded. Is this woman even remotely aware that she presides over a library full of books which contain such words? I also wonder if she expressed the same faux indignation towards the book crooks who actively and deliberately harassed an Alzheimer’s patient in a public forum? I doubt it.

How did she ever ascend to the position of Assistant Library Director? Is the Berkeley Library System so bereft of talent that a person of such low intellectual caliber can advance to a high level within the system? She is a textbook example of form over substance…a haughty, pretentious, smirking, preening DOLT.

Sharon Fashion is not intellectually equipped to do this vital job. She should be demoted to Official Library Censor, given a bucket full of black magic markers, and allowed to stumble Willy-Nilly amongst the library stacks…yanking out suspicious books and crossing out all of the dirty words. That would be a far more appropriate position than that which she currently holds. To call this imperious woman obnoxious and condescending is generous. Note that she is also a co-conspirator in the process of sweeping a massive theft of Berkeley County property under the rug and that she is actively ignoring yet another situation which stands to cost the taxpayers of this county even more in lost revenue.

On second thought, Fire Her and Mr. Brunson NOW! That would be one way to send a message to incompetent bureaucrats. Let them know that there are consequences for deliberate illegal behavior. To slap these people on the wrist is to let our public employees know that “Anything Goes…I Am Above The Law” is not acceptable.

She doesn’t have a mustache. I added that to imbue a bit of comic relief into an otherwise serious article.

And then there is Sue Kelly, Friends of the Library President…please…this woman makes Humpty Dumpty look like a Rhodes Scholar. “Forget about History! Forget about History!” she hollered repeatedly during our little get together. “What’s Done Is Done”, she said. Using this profoundly flawed logic should one assume that an unapprehended bank robber should be forgiven after the passage of time?

There are still some very questionable activities going on in the Library with a new set of Grifters and, once again, the Three Stooges fall all over themselves to deny what should be apparent to any halfway intelligent observer. I was right the first time around and I am right again. Brunson, Fashion, and Kelley will deny the obvious while it is happening and, once uncovered, will fall all over themselves to point accusatory fingers in every direction except at the image in the mirror. Such is the nature of bureaucracies. I learned this in Poly Sci. 101 at USC: The first and foremost function of a bureaucracy is to protect itself.

I think Ms. Kelly is a graduate of the Jerry Springer School of Logic. There is one overriding concept you must master in order to get a certificate from JSSL when you enroll in this special curriculum: Whoever hollers the loudest and waves the most arm fat in a menacing manner is the de facto winner of any argument. 

I honestly thought this woman was going to get up and Sumo Wrestle me out the door. Either that or roll over and absorb me like the monster in the classic Steve McQueen movie, The Blob.  Sorry if all this sounds cruel but, after enduring a half-hour or so of this Gorgon’s bird-brained tirade, I feel justified in making fun of her. *(see footnote#1)

I used the French movie poster to give this gag a more Cosmopolitan feel

Ms. Kelley is a prime example of the Dunning-Kruger Effect (google Wikipedia). She sits contentedly on her nest as FOL Chief…never taking the time to glance down and notice that the chicks in her fouled-up nest are desiccated and bug-riddled. Metaphors are probably not high on Ms. Kelly’s list of easily discernable insults so I leave it to more intelligent minds to snigger and point as she stumbles about Library property dragging her Grim, Humorless Visage Along Like A Squawking Albatross. 

She made it a point to assert that, despite her lack of formal education, her 75 years on this planet somehow imbued her with great wisdom. Sorry, but if you are born stupid the chances are pretty good you will die stupid. Ignorance can be cured with education. Stupidity is genetically determined. Nothing can be done to increase that quotient. If you were born a window-licker or a tongue-biter the odds are pretty good that you will die as such.

Rumor has it (and I have to admit that this is just gossip…hearsay so to speak)…I repeat…rumor has it that Ms. Kelly wrote a children’s book in the mid-1990’s. With stars in her eyes and sensing fame just around the corner, she submitted a paste-up version to numerous publishers which were quickly and unanimously rejected.

Still determined, she wound up falling for a “Publish Your Own Book” advertisement which she saw in a magazine in the checkout line at a 24-hour Quickie Mart. Spending $1,250 of her own money, she got 100 hardcover copies in the mail. After fourteen unsuccessful weekends promoting her product at the Ladson Flea Market, she gave the entire lot to Goodwill which immediately tossed them into the dumpster which was then set on fire by vandals. A terrible and tragic loss. Not quite as big a disaster as the burning of the Library at Alexandria, Egypt in 48 B.C., but a tremendous loss nonetheless.

This, I hear, is the cause of her embitterment. Prior to “publication”, her estranged cousin, Gladys Putz-Snubbley, is rumored to have argued that she should hire a professional flip-flop model. Stubborn as always, Sue opted, instead, to do all the modeling herself.*(see footnote#2)

BUT I DIGRESS!

Since History is of no import to her, maybe she should be assigned the task of removing all the Library books dealing with the issues of Slavery and the Holocaust. Now that’s some real water over the dam! She probably sees George Orwell’s admonition in Animal Farm as a vindication rather than an indictment. I will leave it to Ms. Kelly to retire to a quiet corner and spend a few hours scratching her head over the image below. Talk about a Delphinian Indictment! *(see footnote #3) 

Seriously, Mr. Brunson. Is this the best you can do for a FOL leader? No wonder the Berkeley County Library System is going to hell in a handbag under your Quixotic direction. Methinks you tilted at one too many windmills when you and your cohorts decided to throw me under the bus.  A bad decision but not surprising given the fact that you were born without a spine.

On a final note, I think that future volunteers and executive staff should be required to submit to a basic IQ test using oranges, apples, triangles, rectangles, rubber balls, painted rocks, and pieces of colorful twine. This would help to cull out the dullard population substantially.

 

…and certainly not as bad as harassing an Alzheimer’s Victim.
So, Mr. Brunson, you may not have been responsible for the massive theft that occurred but…

YOU, MS. SHARON FASHION, and SUE KELLEY ARE ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN THE COVER-UP OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY (and the ongoing inexplicable protection of the culprit who engineered it as well as the new, ongoing rip off scheme).

SERIOUSLY…IT IS TIME FOR THESE THREE STOOGES TO RESIGN AND TURN OVER CONTROL OF OUR TAXPAYER FUNDED LIBRARY SYSTEM TO MORE CAPABLE, HONEST, INTELLIGENT, AND FORWARD-THINKING INDIVIDUALS!

Sincerely and on behalf of a concerned public,

Gregory B. Geddings

 

*(footnote #1) Cruel? You think this is cruel? You want to read cruel? Below is a link to an obituary for William Jennings Bryan. It was written by H.L. Mencken. It makes my critique of Ms. Kelly look like a letter sent to the Pope requesting that she be nominated for Sainthood.

http://www.peeniewallie.com/2005/06/h_l_menckens_ob.html

*(footnote #2)    Dear Sue, I made up this entire weird scenario. It would fall under the heading of what is referred to as Satire. If you take it to a lawyer and he asks you to show him your feet to see if they are as hairy as I depicted in the fake book cover you can be sure that he is not examining the evidence for truth but probably has a foot fetish.

Also, note that I spent a long sleepless night arguing with myself as to whether I should draw a Hitler/Chaplin mustache on this photoshop but decided that once was enough and that it would only draw attention away from the hairy feet gag. I would, however, like to take this opportunity to promote one of my own books with a similar theme. Note that I use the nom de plume Egbert Dookey. That is the moniker I use for my catalog of Romance Novels published by Alt-Love, Inc.

For a complete catalog of my Romance Novels click on the link below:

https://2big2fall.wordpress.com/2012/11/27/eunuchs-r-us/

*(footnote #3) (related to Oracle at Delphi. Greek History, esp. Peloponnesian Wars). Meaning: Prophetic, ambiguous, enigmatic and unexplainable. I learned about this in a lecture given by eminent historian Dr. Henry Lumpkin who taught at USC during my college days. A truly fascinating and brilliant man as well as a spellbinding lecturer.

Residents of Dogpatch, USA Weigh In On Confederate Statue Controversy

Click to Enlarge for Beautiful Technicolor Detail!

JUBILATION T. CORNPONE”:  Lil’ Abner: The Musical (1956) (Gene De Paul / Johnny Mercer) Stubby Kaye – 1956

When we fought the Yankees and annihilation was near,

Who was there to lead the charge and disappeared for a year?

Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Old “Toot your own horn-pone.” 

Jubilation T. Cornpone, a man who knew no fear!

 

When we almost had ’em but the issue still was in doubt,

Who suggested the retreat that turned it into a rout?

Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Old “Tattered and torn-pone.”

Jubilation T. Cornpone, he kept us hidin’ out!

 

With our ammunition gone and faced with utter defeat,

Who was it that burned the crops and left us nothing to eat?

Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Old “September Morn-pone.”

Jubilation T. Cornpone, the pants blown off his seat! HURRAY!

 

When it seemed like our brave boys would keep on fighting for months,

Who took pity on them and ca-pit-u-lated at once?

Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Unshaven and shorn-pone.

Jubilation T. Cornpone, he weren’t nobody’s dunce!

 

Who went re-con-noiter-ing to flank the enemy’s rear,

Circled through the piney woods, and disappeared for a year?

Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Old “treat ’em with scorn-pone”

Jubilation T. Cornpone, the missing mountaineer!

Julie Newmar…Ultimate Hollywood Vixen

Berkeley County Library: Photoshop Fun With Gene Brunson

SECOND IN A SERIES OF ARTICLES ABOUT THE BERKELEY COUNTY LIBRARY. THIS SUBJECT IS SO EXASPERATING THAT I HAD TO TAKE TIME OUT TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN WITH THE SEMI-LITERATE CLOWNS WHO ARE IN CHARGE OF THIS STUMBLE-BUM BUREAUCRACY.

 

                                                 Weeeeeee. Goin’ to the Library! I will be having a lot of fun with this Wishy-Washy Bureaucrat over the next few days/months/years. Below is the first of many to come. Keep checking back. Gee, I hope he doesn’t get too angry about this. He should be honored because, to be honest, fifty years from now these images will be all he will be remembered for!

I will continue my investigation of the shenanigans at Berkeley County Library but will probably have to come up with a suitable disguise which will allow me to maintain my anonymity. Run! Hide! Here Comes the Library Police!

Crack Investigator Looks Into Dubious Background of Deranged Blogger!No stone is left unturned as Hired Library Thugs look for incriminating evidence!County Council Schedules Emergency Meeting To Discuss Library Boob!

County Council Passes Motion Allocating Funds To Hire Renown Consultant!

Big Gun Attorney for Berkeley County Is Summoned! Depositions Are Scheduled! Trial Date Set!

Ex-Supervisor Gives Damning Testimony!

Obnoxious Blogger Pleads Insanity! Given Jail Time!

 

I heard some scuttlebutt that one of the members of Berkeley County FOL claimed I emailed her a picture of me in my underpants. She was a smart, kind lady and I carried on a friendly telephone relationship with her over a couple of years.
I most certainly did not forward a picture of me in my underwear. What I did send her was a link to one of over a hundred videos I have uploaded to YouTube over the last nine years. I do original music, commentary, and weird comedy. Nothing has gone viral but I have accumulated close to seventy thousand hits.

The video in question had a short segment where I, as a University of South Carolina Alumnus, exercised my right to make fun of our archival Clemson. I am wearing a bright orange long-sleeve Clemson shirt and a diaper while jumping around like a damned fool. Crap in a knapsack! You can see more skin in a Post and Courier ‘Weekend at the Beach’ article.

The way that rumors are disseminated amongst gossiping ladies, the latest version probably describes a photo where I am sporting a pink thong bikini bottom while wearing an iron neck collar with a two-foot chain bolted to the bathroom floor, eating popcorn from a dog food bowl, while a deranged albino midget beats me about the buttocks with a white hot piece of barbed wire.

Here is a still shot of the “offending photo” from that video: