Bullshit Factory

WCBD TV-2 Reporter Brad Franko Goes Undercover in Droopy Drawer Sting

 

we-want-braaaaa-d1Preface: I recently viewed the WCBD-TV-2 promo for Brad Franko’s new segment, “Reality Check.” Along with the dark music and the Mickey Spillane hard-nosed detective persona, is Brad’s promise that NOBODY is immune from his ace reporting.

Brad should have added a caveat excluding the powerful and influential. WCBD caved in like a boil in a bench vice when supporters of Tea Party Wunderkind, Senator Jim DeMint, waved their angry peckers…demanding that WCBD remove ads by gay rights organization, Alliance for Acceptance. So much for Tea Party reverence for all things constitutional. YOU-MUST-OBEY

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Inside sources tell me that WCBD-TV-2 reporter Brad Franko recently completed an in-depth, yet to be aired, undercover investigation into the gang fad known as “droopy drawer syndrome.” Despite the obvious danger involved in this undertaking, Brad was able to infiltrate a local gang to get a first hand look at these malcontents in baggie pants.Franko-baggies

 

I contacted Brad and was granted a brief phone interview. When asked why he decided to undertake this assignment he stated, “It was an easy decision to go after this group of thugs, known as the Guz Crik Boyz. What are they going to do about it? Hire an attorney and sue the station? These dopes are lucky if they can scrape two nickels together to make a dime. It was a win-win situation for us. I mean, what the heck, who do you think we are going to go after? A crooked new car dealership? Some insurance giant that screws a pathetic old lady when her trailer burns to the ground? No way! Those guys have huge advertising budgets and I have bills to pay!”

Brad continued, “Originally, we approached this as part of a comprehensive investigation into downtown bicycle thefts. I have to admit, however, that we were pursuing a false lead and WCBD management encouraged us to go with the baggy pants angle. I drove the Boyz to the College of Charleston and, even though I pointed out several expensive bikes with flimsy locks, the guys refused to mess with them…hard to steal a bike when your pants get hung up on the chain.”

“Unfortunately,” Brad interjected, “we had to abort the investigation when I realized that my assistant had packed the wrong disguise and the Boyz became suspicious. I was tired and confused due to my heavy workload.”baggy-brad-blows-cover

I asked Brad what was the most difficult part of this assignment: “Walking was a bitch. It took me a while to get the hang of it, especially with my shoe laces untied. On the positive side, however, when you’re bangin’ around the hood with your bros and you gotta run down the alley to pinch off a loaf, you’re halfway there when your draws are dragging. They also come in handy when you need to shoplift a five-pound bag of potatoes.”

Don’t forget to check out upcoming articles featuring intrepid, fearless reporter Brad Franko who is, in my humble opinion, the 21 Century’s answer to H.L. Mencken. First, I will be examining Brad’s hard-hitting video segment on cow-milking.

Click to Enlarge!

Brad Franko milks cow

Next, I hope to get the inside scoop on the alleged altercation that Brad got into off set with Charlie, the Charleston Riverdogs mascot, after the dude in the giant dog suit dumped a load of garbage over Brad’s head during a live news report. The incident was staged but Brad lost his temper when it turned out that Charlie had thrown a banana peel and a used condom into the supposedly clean trash canBrad-gets-trashed-final

Rumor has it that, during the commercial break, Brad chased Charlie around the studio wildly swinging a Louisville Slugger at the hapless mascot. I am also investigating the charge that Sheriff Al Cannon, who was at the station for a taped interview, joined in the fracas by running around slapping the crap out of anyone who was handy.

It is my understanding that Brad is in the process of conducting an investigation into the hidden dangers of umbrella hats. We should all salute WCBD for its deep concern for the welfare and safety of the consuming public. These folks deserve high praise for their efforts to keep Lowcountry citizens informed on vital issues.

There is cause for concern, however, about persistent rumors which have surfaced about Brad’s early television career in Cleveland where he allegedly hosted a public access show called “Ask Rita the Butt Puppet”. I recently received a grainy, blurred video from an anonymous source who stated that this short lived call-in show was an Ann Landers type of program where listeners were invited to spill the sordid details of their personal life to an obnoxious and abusive butt-puppet.

Supposedly this was Brad’s first attempt as a ventriloquist. Having viewed the video several times, it would appear that (although the host does resemble Brad) there are serious doubts surrounding the actual identity of this person. The individual in question has a rather high-pitched, and quite effeminate lisp that does not appear to be fake. Brad neither squeaks nor lisps. I refuse to take part in disseminating these scurrilous and unfair accusations to a gullible public.


Postscript: Kudos to Brad for his recent report about East Side kids defacing the sidewalks with their hop-scotch doodles! My daughter’s cat, Bella, loved that expose!brad-and-bella
Brad Franko TV-2 ace reporter

Alternate-Reality-Check-titling

Fuzzy-SmudgePostscript: Shortly after I published this piece I got an angry email from WCBD editor Bert (Fuzzy) Smudge. He defended his ace reporter as: “a fine example of a slick, good-looking TV personality. Brad is a real asset to the station and we are proud of his deep-cover operations. He has won the SC TV Journalism Golden Kneepads Award on three occasions in the past eleven years so you can screw yourself you mumbling fudge wit!”

 

 

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Frozen Turkey Bowling with Dean Stephens

Episode 301 - Turkey Bowling

On the day before Thanksgiving after partaking of the best ham I have ever consumed, along with some really great mashed sweet potatoes, corn, and beans, I found myself flopping on the couch and flipping through the channels on my TV. Flopping and flipping. I like the sound of that, especially on a full stomach.

It was early evening so I figured I would tune into the local news. I punched 4 on the remote to view WCIV-TV. That’s the ABC affiliate station right here in my hometown of Charleston, South Carolina. The show was about halfway over and they were broadcasting a piece featuring award-winning reporter Dean Stephens. The segment wasn’t live. It was filmed in a local grocery store and taken back to the station for editing. In the segment, Mr. Stephens was making pals with the customers in the grocery store and trying to get them to join him in a friendly game of Frozen Turkey Bowling. Dean was shown grabbing some makeshift bowling pins (in the form of Pringles Potato Chip cans) and setting them up in the aisle, then having the participating customers see how many they could knock down.

run-spicy-guacamoleThe editing on the piece also required a close-up shot of Dean in front of the Pringles display announcing that there were several different flavors available and that he was going to use a representative sample of each variety as targets for the frozen turkey. Old Dean killed two birds with one stone. He managed not only to entertain this consumer but to educate me as well. Kudos!

“Must Buy Pringles,” I muttered to myself as I burped, drank some sweet tea, and just lay there… transfixed by the masterpiece of performance and editing that was unfolding before my grateful eyes.

The piece continued with footage of giggling, hooting customers sliding the frozen bird across the floor towards the doomed Pringles Cans. Dean chimes in: “Hey, A Strike!” and “Oops, You Left the Ten Pin!” One participant utters a frustrated “Dang! Great interaction with customers. Precision editing. Provocative imagery. This Turkey Bowling Segment has it all!

Enthralled by this awesome presentation, I turned off the TV and rushed to my computer. Slow startup…Hurry! Hurry!… I need to know! “Damn Google,” I sputtered angrily! I was really anxious to get the lowdown surrounding my new media hero, Dean Stephens. I gleaned the following biographical notes from WCIV’s website: “Over the years, Dean has demonstrated strong leadership and dedication to the television station and the community. In our pursuit of greater commitments to the Charleston community, Dean Stephens’ devotion rises to the top. He sets an example that everyone will follow. Dean has earned over 20 industry awards: including Best Sportscaster and Best Reporter in the State of South Carolina as well as in the Southeast.”

Wow! That is some resume! I can only speculate that, if Mr. Stephens focuses his career more on frozen turkey pranks and less on investigative reporting, he will soon be propelled into the national spotlight. Indeed, Dean is “an example that everyone will follow.” Who knows what heights he could achieve? Maybe Dancing with the Stars could do a spinoff called Dancing with the Media Stars and invite Dean to do the Cha-Cha, a Mambo, or a Waltz in front of a national audience.

Too bad this kind of television reporting wasn’t around when Edward R. Murrow and Walter Cronkite were at their peak. Who knows what alternate turns history may have taken? Could Sen. Joseph McCarthy have been elected president if Mr. Murrow had been reveling in the limelight, stepping on Hollywood Bimbo toes and way too distracted to worry about whether a bunch of silly Commies had infiltrated not just our government, but Hollywood and the American literary establishment as well?

How would the Cuban Missile Crisis have played out if Kennedy and Khrushchev had been challenged by an eminent reporter to dance cheek-to-cheek instead of rattling the sabers of nuclear destruction? And, if Walter Cronkite had been Tiptoeing Thru the Tulips with Tiny Tim instead of verbally pummeling President Nixon, would the Vietnam War be entering its fiftieth year? Inquiring turkeys…oops, I mean minds, want to know!

Heigh-Ho! Heigh-Ho!

I don’t know about you but if I saw some guys with microphones and cameras wandering around my favorite grocery store and one of them asked me if I wanted to hurl a frozen, plastic-wrapped 13-pound bird down the aisle at a bunch of potato chip cans, I would delightfully agree to do so but would promptly toss the turkey at a nearby wine display or knock down as many glass pickle jars as I could, then state that I was legally blind and clearly not responsible, leaving them shaking their heads and wondering if their budget would allow for the damage. Clean up on aisle two,” hollers the manager through the store PA system then adds, “Bring two buckets.” Either that or I would hurl the wayward turkey two aisles over and hope that it wouldn’t land in the cart of some old guy with an oxygen cylinder who was pushing a cart full of Depends and Metamucil.

I would love to see the out-takes of this segment. I wonder how long the crack news crew from WCIV stayed in the grocery store and if, towards the end of the experience, the turkey might have gotten a bit soft and soggy and, instead of sliding and rolling easily, would land with a sickening plop a few feet short of the hapless Pringle cans, squirting out a barrage of liver, gizzard, and neck-bone onto an unsuspecting reporter. That would get a lot more hits on YouTube than the common Frozen Turkey Bowling bit.

Mr. Stephens deserves high praise in that his pants zipper was not down, his shoes were on the correct feet, and there were no tell-tale gooey objects on the tip of his nose. Add that to the gizzard/liver/neck-bone scenario and you would get some serious hits on YouTube.  Not as many hits as the popular Watch Me Squeeze the Giant Boil On My Neck video, but a respectable view count nonetheless.huge-neck-pimple

I am sure that turkey bowling would get a lot more hits than the infamous Meth-Head Clown Hitchhiker with Axe video. That film is more creepy than funny.

See the Puppies

Truthfully, grocery stores can be pretty weird places at times and you could be taking fate into your hands when you tell some stranger that it’s okay to chuck a frozen turkey. You just never know who you are talking to and what their reaction may be. What if it is some wino who has a T-Bone steak and a bottle of Mogen David wine shoved down his pants? I guess if I was in his position I would go ahead and bowl the turkey so as not to arouse suspicion…and hope that the wine did not loosen its precarious perch next to my crotch and slide down my pants onto the floor. If I were to shoplift a bottle of cheap wine and a steak, I would probably shove the wine down the front of my pants and squeeze the steak down my backside. That’s just me, however, and your own shoplifting techniques may vary.

Totally unrelated Photoshop from another Dean Stephens post on this blog.

Anyway, the point of this whole exercise is not to criticize Dean Stephens or Channel Four. They were just providing a little fluff to a fluff-hungry public and what could be wrong with that? I must point out, however, that the concept of the piece was hardly original and that it had an air of quiet desperation about it. I mean, Mr. Stephens must have felt pretty dumb for at least a moment in the process leading from concept to broadcast. He looked to be a bit on the resigned side and appeared to be perspiring. Flop sweat, perhaps?

I wonder how this process works. I mean, was there a staff meeting where Mr. Stephens boldly presented this idea or was it conceived by another employee?  I can see it now: “Hey, the economy is tanking, the country is mired in unemployment, foreclosures, homelessness, war in Iraq and Afghanistan, revolution in the Middle East, and the potential for a huge conflict in Korea so what are we going to do about it as responsible members of the media?” Silence… then somebody blurts out: “Frozen Turkey Bowling!” and the room erupts in spontaneous cheers, back-pats, thumbs-up, and friendly noogies.

Problem solved. “Let’s roll with the Turkey!” says someone in authority and, like the Keystone Cops, the staff runs about willy-nilly and hither-dither, bumping into walls and doors in a rush to make arrangements to get to the grocery store with a camera, crew, and star.  Good thing there wasn’t a rake on the floor. “Times a’ wastin’!” shouts the station manager, “There are Turkeys to be bowled!” Do news vehicles have emergency lights and sirens? I certainly hope so.

 

Photo lifted from Badclown.com. I added the WCIV lettering.

I watched an interesting science TV show some months back. I can’t remember for sure which network it was on but the subject matter was parallel dimensions. There was a bevy of eminent physicists and scientists explaining the mathematical concept of multiple  (if not unlimited) worlds existing alongside our own. Each of us may have a twin in countless other universes.

They also discussed the probability that these worlds would be an approximation of our own, not an exact copy. Alike, yet different. An interesting theory.

I wonder if there is a parallel universe with another  WCIV staff and another Dean Stephens sitting in a conference room planning a quirky Christmas segment? Someone suggests that Dean stand on the side of the road and encourage passersby to hurl a ceramic Santa Claus head at a blow-up Nativity Scene. Time to fire up the clown car…

 

“They haunt me in my dreams.” -Dean Stephens

                           

Melania Trump: A Bird In A Gilded Cage

A Bird in a Gilded Cage was a hit song in 1900. Two million copies of the sheet music were sold. I thought that might be an interesting and creative idea for a photoshop. I came up with the following:

I posted this photoshop on a Facebook site called The Idiocy of Donald Trump’s America and was astonished at the level of hostility from the early commenters:

I felt the need to go after these heartless dolts:

To this, I added another original photoshop

Below is the original sheet music from 1900

Yawn: Yet Another Online Death Threat

Got three angry comments from the same guy on my YouTube account today. I will list them in order of appearance. This guy was really pissed off about me wearing a Gamecock hat. He said I do not deserve to wear it. I graduated from USC in 1972 with a degree in history.  I doubt if this drooling dolt even has a GED.

Note that you will have to click on the images to read them clearly.

 

So much stupidity displayed below that it is hard to figure out where to begin. Cannibalism, Incest, Slavery? WTF? And the “darkest policies ever passed” due to Democrats? I wonder if he is referring to Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, etc. The last comment about “Dixiecrats and their liberal insanity!” is beyond the pale. Dixiecrats? As in Strom Thurmond? This guy takes historical illiteracy to a new level. He’s probably one of those nitwits who waxes ineloquent about Hitler being a liberal.

So now we come to the icing on the cake. One second he’s bemoaning abortion, the next second he is issuing a death threat. I have to take this seriously because he eventually gets to the ALL CAPS mode and the obligatory substitution of your for you’re. By the time he got to the end of this rant, he was probably drooling uncontrollably.


x

There is no way I am going to respond to this lowbrow idiot. I won’t report it because YouTube will remove it and the comments will be removed. I definitely want to keep them there because they are what is referred to in a court of law as “evidence.”  He appears to be hiding on YouTube under an assumed identity but I am certain that, should he try to follow through, he can be easily traced. Dumbass.

SC GOP Catherine Templeton: Goddess of the Reptilian Overlords

I recently uploaded a satirical video taking a shot at South Carolina GOP Gubernatorial candidate Catherine Templeton. The title of that video was: “GOP Catherine Templeton Shoots Chainsaw Wielding Mexican.” My video incorporated video of her shooting a snake with a .38 revolver. DOH~

I am speculating here: My spoof got 865 views and around 50 shares in 10 days. Somebody close to her campaign saw that it was on the verge of going viral. This person probably organized a bunch of Templeton supporters to go to YouTube, view the video, and click the REPORT button…ostensibly, because it was racist. Bullshit. There was nothing racist about it and they knew it. The only reason they complained was to give their candidate an edge.  I appealed YouTube’s decision to take down the video but I am not holding out for truth.

GOP Gobemouches are so busy protecting their perverted version of the 2nd Amendment that they sometimes forget to focus on squelching the 5th Amendment. With the primary coming soon, they wanted to squelch my take on this self-promoting Clown Woman.

I hope that they don’t get their pre-soiled Hitlerian panties in a knot trying to claim that the new video below promotes animal abuse.

SC GOP: Catherine Templeton Shoots Chainsaw Wielding Mexican

NOTE: This Video has been removed by YouTube because somebody close to Ms. Templeton got their panties in a knot and wanted to squelch it with a false claim that it promoted hate. YouTube took a cursory look and took it down. I immediately made a completely different new video which I posted on YouTube and will upload it in another post on this site.

I am leaving this post as is to let my readers understand the anti-democratic nature of these self-serving right-wing hypocrites.

I guess it is a moot point since she lost. The State Newspaper published a scathing editorial expose that had to be a contributing factor. (click highlight to view). 

Here is my description of the video that was taken down:

“The NRA is withdrawing its support of Gubernatorial Candidate Templeton after she failed to stop a deranged Mexican wrecking havoc with a chainsaw. Spokesman Oliver North stated: “WTF? Is she Blind? I mean, she fired twenty-two rounds from a five-round pistol which means she had to reload four times and still missed this dadgum Mexican! How can we support someone who couldn’t hit an endangered Condor tied to a stake with a flamethrower?”

NOTE: This video has garnered over six hundred hits on YouTube in less than 10 days and appears to be on an upward spiral. It won’t be long before it is her most viewed video. I see that it has gotten 3 negatives to date. Woe is me…Not.

 

I Remember Aiden Hodges: Failure at Charleston County DSS

PLEASE READ COMMENTS BEFORE VIEWING VIDEO BELOW!

This is the story of Aiden Hodges who has recently turned five years old. From the time he was six months old and, for the next 28 months, I babysat him for anywhere from 20 to 50 hours per week. There were also several occasions when, for his safety, he stayed with me for days at a time. I did this for free because his single mother was struggling to make ends meet on a minimum wage job. I also loved this child and considered him as my own grandson. He called me Papa Greg.

I am not related to Aiden…just a family friend. My ex-wife (still good friends) Leslie had been helping out Aiden’s mom Chelsea and her disabled mom for a long time. Leslie purchased Chelsea a nice used car so she could get a better job. I supported them by mowing their grass, helping with house cleaning, and spending several thousand dollars for groceries, diapers, etc.

Aiden was taken from his mother by DSS after he was rescued by a passing motorist while walking through rush hour traffic. He was placed in temporary custody with a woman who I knew. On her Facebook page, she claimed to be a “natural born witch with many gifts.” If that was the case why was it that the best job she could get was as a county school bus monitor?

On my first visit to her home after Aiden was placed I witnessed her drag him across the room and slam him face first against a wall. She told him to put his forehead against the wall and dared him to move. He was just excited to see me and was in no way out of control.

This was the point at which I knew that Aiden was in danger and decided to initiate a conversation with DSS. I might as well have tried to communicate with a brick wall. I sent at least ten emails to DSS Director Sylvia Mitchum. These email communications included screenshots documenting “Abitha’s” bizarre, incoherent, and threatening rants. I did some research and discovered that she had lost custody of her own child and that her parents testified as to her unfitness.

Ms. Mitchum never saw fit to respond in any way shape or form. She allowed Aiden to stay with this woman for around a year and a half. Idiotic at best…cruel at worst.

Meanwhile, Aiden’s mother got pregnant and had a little girl. The father is a registered violent sex offender from North Carolina.

I have no idea where Aiden is now. Rumors abound. The witch moved to the Greenville area. I heard that she gave up custody and that Aiden is back with his mother who is with her new beau.

Charleston County DSS really fell down on this situation. I suggested that a Guardian ad Litem be appointed to look into this disaster waiting to happen. I don’t know if this was done.

I have sent comprehensive packages detailing the incompetence and indifference of Charleston County DSS to SC Senator Katrina Shealy and to SC Rep. Micajah P. Caskey, IV. I also sent a package to Lauren Sausser at the Post and Courier. I got no response from Lauren Sausee or Sen. Shealy. Rep. Caskey, however, came through and forwarded me a letter he sent to the state head of DSS. He sounded genuinely concerned and upset over the situation. DSS HQ responded by communicating with me via email. Thank you, Rep. Caskey!

I pray that this doesn’t become a tragedy. I am not holding out for positive results. Too much work. It is so much easier to be Reactive than Proactive.

I am thoroughly disgusted with Sylvia Mitchum and the Charleston County DSS. I moved from Columbia to Charleston in 1974 to work for this agency. This was my first real job after I graduated from the University of South Carolina two years earlier. I lasted less than two years. I got tired of the incompetence, inflexibility, back-stabbing, and endless gossip. It would appear that Charleston County DSS hasn’t changed a bit in the past 44 years.

 

I would like to thank W.C.S.C. Dance Group (no affiliation with our local TV station) and Frank Lopez for his contribution to the video below. He is very talented and I wish him well.

As an afterthought, I need to explain what is going on with Aiden running around at the end of the video. One day he was tearing through my humble home when he discovered a box of tampons under the bathroom sink. He thought that was the coolest thing ever and proceeded to toss them all over the place. The innocence of a child….

NOTE: I decided to construct this piece in a video music format. Got a lot of flack on the Tanner Plantation (Hanahan) Facebook page about this. About half of the 80 or so commenters were very critical of my take. The other half got it. I did not want to just sit down and talk about this horrible situation. That would have been boring. Besides, controversy brings views (heh-heh).

Aiden loved to dance around with  Papa Greg. He and I spent countless hours jumping around, playing games, laughing, and having a great time. He is a smart, sweet, and loving little boy. I may never see him again but I want to leave a record of our relationship. One day he will look up his name on Google and find this. My heart aches for Aiden. I miss him so much.